Thank you for your inquiry regarding the position of Youth. While we respect your efforts to regain it, the level of energy you exhibit simply does not match our needs. As requested, we offer the following feedback.
It was admirable that you continued to race young students when you took them out for recess well into your thirties. Yet, although childlike, the power dynamic never really shifted, especially since once students started winning, you stopped running. We also must point out you haven’t run in over twenty years, unless you count that single game of Steal the Bacon five years ago, and you must remember how sore you were the next day.
We do appreciate the sense of wonder you exhibit on learning new things. We feel that will serve you well in future endeavors, but does not, on its own, qualify you for Youth.
You mentioned the distance you can walk. With all due respect, we feel we must point out that past the age of one, most people walk until very late in life. Also, consider the amount of huffing and puffing you do on hills. We do encourage you to continue the practice and remind you that anything you don’t use, you will lose.
An example of this is your recent attempt to do burpees. If you recall, you absolutely hated doing burpees in elementary gym class. The routine of squat with hands on floor, shoot legs back, pull legs in, and stand up with a jump was not difficult in those days. Though you have periodically practiced other youthful exercise routines, you only recently have thought it worthwhile to do your most hated one. As you have seen, without repetition, the ability has been nearly lost as evidenced by the way you crawled to standing at the end. It remains to be seen whether you will ever regain this skill.
In closing, we appreciate your interest, and with work, you might apply for the position of Longevity.
The Three Fates
For a better example of this kind of essay read here.